Showing posts with label Cultural Criticism/Social Justice Politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cultural Criticism/Social Justice Politics. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Musings: Desire and the "Other"

I saw him at the gym this morning, and I couldn't keep my eyes off his naked ass. He was standing at the sink, with his back toward me. I was standing in front of my locker. He was White, but he was was dark, with the kind of naturally tan skin -- is this what is meant by olive complexion?? -- that extended across his buttocks. The buttocks themselves were not large, but they were shapely and toned, the skin around their edges darker as though outlined with an artist's charcoal.

I'm accustomed to being somewhat critical of my desire for darker men. I believe that it is impossible to fully separate this desire from my upbringing and experiences within a society and dominant culture that constructs women and men of color as hypersexual and subhuman and a mainstream White gay male culture that fetishizes racial difference.

While I still believe that it is important to maintain this critique, this morning I found my thoughts traveling in new directions. Perhaps the desire for the "other" is neither "good" nor "bad" in and of itself. Perhaps it simply is. Perhaps it is a natural (as much as I believe anything is "natural") curiosity about difference, a pull toward the unfamiliar.

Perhaps the problem comes when we do not couple that curiosity with an interest in individuals' humanity. (I'm not talking about one-night stands vs. relationships. I do not believe you need to sleep with someone more than once to treat them like a human being). When we separate the ass from the body, from the individual, and transform it into a fetish object. When we allow our fear of difference to transform our curiosity into a will toward domination. This is colonial psychology -- a fear of engulfment by the "native" commingled with delusions of grandeur and superiority.

Perhaps actually owning, valuing and following our desire to its least corrupt conclusion could offer an alternative to racist fetishization, one that does not divorce mind from body in a classic "Western" dichotomy, labeling the "other" as the body and the body as filth. Could such a thing be possible, in this time and in this place?

Or am I a utopic delusional?

Friday, August 03, 2007

Why do Gay Boys Play with Dolls?


I was at Walgreen's shopping for golden raisins for an experimental pork chop recipe when my morning took a sudden turn.

With a resume to revise, a file cabinet to organize and a student loan to consolidate, this was how I chose to spend the first hour of my day off.

On the left is Graduation Barbie 2007's "before" photo. On the right is her new look after a makeover courtesy of me. It's amazing what can be accomplished with a Sharpie, a ball-point pen and a pair of scissors.

When I was a child, my grandparents feared I'd grow up to be either gay or a (hetero)sexual pervert because my mother condoned my playing with Barbies. When my mother retells this story as a humorous anecdote, she emphasizes the seeming contradiction between these two fears, perhaps as a way of managing her anxieties regarding the former. But I wonder if my grandparents' concerns don't make a fucked-up kind of sense within the logic of our dominant culture. Whether pervert or fag, my doll play would leave me incorrectly gendered, as something other than the ideal male.

When children play with dolls, we often presume that they are engaging in some form of preparatory role-play, the actions taken by their dolls somehow shaping their own actions as adults. Of course if that were really the case, I'd be holding my romantic rivals captive in lockers, or poisoning my competitors for the 1991 Best Actress Oscar -- the sort of behavior engaged in by my own excessively soap-opera influenced Barbies.

Still, there is no question that dolls are discursively powerful. Discursive power functions through the meanings and ideologies attached to particular language and symbols. Dominant discourses constrain, direct and manage our conceptions of what is possible or true, knowable or known, deviant or normal. In the social construction of gender, dolls, like clothing, may represent a particularly seismic cultural fault-line, loaded with multiple meanings and contestations.

Conventional feminist wisdom -- or at least, the most broadly-known, most mainstream feminist wisdom -- sees Barbies as contemptibly patriarchal representations of ideal femininity, a way of teaching girls from a young age what they are expected to become. It is no coincidence that this ideal is White, blond, and engaged in a variety of middle-class-coded activities, and that it is marketed by a transnational corporation.

But what of the young Queer boy, for whom the Barbie doll is a forbidden and subversive pleasure? What about the finely-wrought feminist critiques of the gendering of toys, the important role doll-loving men of all sexual identities play in destabilizing and redefining dominant masculinity?

Is it possible that a symbol that for one community (communities) represents oppression may for another represent liberation?

It is these sort of slight experiential differences that sometimes lead marginalized communities to wrongfully believe that our fates are something other than intertwined. Here, Barbie emerges with yet another personality -- as an agent in the politics of "divide and conquer."

Although I'm not yet ready to reject Barbie's potentially Queer revolutionary potential, I do believe we must be willing to examine the ugly underbelly of certain gay fetishes for fierce femininity. Gay masculinity's relationship with women is fraught. Most of us are far too resistant to acknowledging or deconstructing our own misogyny.

When I was a student at Sarah Lawrence College, a friend of mine used to complain that she hated the way some gay boys treated their female friends like "playthings" instead of people. This was at the height of the Will and Grace-influenced early-2000's fag hag fad, when even I found myself flinging this offensive term about with a shameful casualness and frequency. Of the many problematic characteristics of "Will and Grace," one of the most upsetting was the way Will Truman's HRC-ready dignity was always purchased at the expense of the hapless and dysfunctional Grace.

One popular theory holds that the gay man's obsession with the diva comes from the projection of his own desires onto her body, where wanting men is less illicit. Related to this is the classic "The Red Shoes"-style triangle, in which two men play out their desire for one another through an objectified female proxy.

The same ferocity we prize in women we condemn amongst our own, in page after page of online personals posted by "athletic" and "masculine" men who are "looking for same." The old defense that our desires should be free from critical analysis needs to be called into question when it's used to justify the bashing of fellow fags for fagging faggier.

Of course I don't mean to say that playing with Barbies is always-already linked with gay misogyny or the transformation of real women into doll-like playthings. I'm merely noting that I ought not be entirely uncritical of my own fetish for Barbies, or attempt to pass it off as 100 percent subversive without a more thorough analysis.

In the meantime--

Isn't she hot!?

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Thoughts on "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"


contains spoilers. contains spoilers. contains spoilers. contains spoilers.

I finally finished "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," pushing through the last third of the book in a marathon session that started around midnight and kept me up until 5 AM.

"Hallows" is ultimately a thrilling and satisfying read. Although Rowling's weaknesses are as present as ever, including her sometimes clunky language (as when one character experiences grief "like a physical wound") and tendency to pile on one plot convolution too many (the circuitous logic of the "Elder Wand," like Crouch's Polyjuice impersonation of Mad-Eye and Hermione's time-turner before it, is an unnecessary strain on credibility), so are her strengths as an inventive world-builder and emotionally-wrenching storyteller. Most importantly, Rowling delivers on every promise she's ever made and answers every question she's posed over the course of her seven-book series, from the crucial (ie, What is the source of the connection between Harry and Voldemort? What motivates the morally ambiguous Snape?) to the more marginal (was anyone else as happy as I was to finally have explained the oft-referenced historical tensions between goblins and Wizards, or the secret Dumbledore had on Petunia Dursley?) Along the way, she packs in many reference points to past adventures, staisfying hardcore fans while simultaneously reminding readers how deeply earned a climax this is. In contrast to the lackluster "Half-Blood Prince," the stakes start high and only intensify. I've been reading a great deal of fiction this summer, including some heavy/classic lit, and this is the only thing to draw actual tears, leaving me shaking and huddled in the corner. There's something to be said for that.

At the same time...

I have questions about the text's thematic resonance. Its ultimate message has something to do with self-sacrifice and the true meaning of courage and heroism. Which is all well and good, but also a little bit simple and moralistic.

There's a darkness and a moral complexity that's always swirled around the margins, and sometimes the forefront, of Rowling's texts, keeping me riveted but also leaving me wanting more.

Here, Rowling introduces the powerful symbolism of Harry and Voldemort's fates intertwined; Harry discovers a portion of Voldemort's soul lives within him, then discovers that he cannot die while Voldemort lives, as his own blood runs through Voldemort's veins. This is a notion of good and evil as interdependent -- neither can exist without the other -- that is philosophically resonant.

Too bad, then, that Rowling dilutes this symbolism with the perhaps more comforting but less truthful assertion that good may indeed exist in the absence of evil, so long as we kick evil's ass. And all the better if good comes in the form of that most trusted harbinger that happy days are here again -- the heterosexual family.

The politics of Rowling's texts have always been impressively complex. She shows that Voldemorts are created as much through collective complacency and complicity as they are through their own initiative. Here, we see how the Death Eaters' rise to power is accomplished through the strategic and methodical management of fear and deeply-imbeded ideologies of Wizard supremacy. In Dolores Umbridge, Rowling has written one of the most chillingly accurate representations of the political animals that manage our world and of the banal evil that traipses through our governments, churches and schools with a bright-pink bow in its hair and a broad smile spread across its face.

One of my favorite Harry Potter moments comes shortly after Harry's first encounter with Voldemort at the conclusion of "The Goblet of Fire," when Dumbledore underscores the need to atone for Wizards' injustices toward other magical creatures in order to effectively counteract Voldemort, then sends out his agents to begin building coalitions. In "Hallows's" final battle, some of the most thrilling moments come from supporting players, as Molly Weasley kicks some LeStrange ass, Neville decapitates Nagini, thestrals and a hippogriff help Thrawp fight malevolent giants, the centaurs enter the fray and Kreacher commands an army of house elves. All of which leaves me all the more disappointed with Rowling's contention that Potter-like, Christ-like (is it any surprise that Harry's patronus is a stag, often used to represent Jesus?) martyrs and figure-heads are necessary to galvanize collective action. I look forward to reaching a point as a culture (cultures) where we truly DON'T need another hero to believe that there's hope.

So here's how I wish it had gone:

Harry defeats Voldemort, but discovers that it is not possible to destroy the piece of Voldemort's soul that lives inside himself. In the final frame, the Voldemort in Harry challenges us to recognize our own will to power. Voldemorts can be overthrown, but the conditions that create Voldemorts remain in place. How many of us live our lives as the Dolores Umbridges, Percy Weasleys and Aberforth Dumbledores of the world, pledging our allegiance to the status quo or "looking out for number one"? Harry's journey is at its core a "coming of age" story. For me, this means acknowledging that our struggles with evil are ultimately lifelong.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Perez Hilton and the Politics of Privacy

I was just watching Perez Hilton's appearance on "The View," (a pop cultural text I can't seem to stay away from -- always simultaneously problematic and ridiculously informative about who we are, where we're at, and what kind of questions we're asking and not asking) and thinking about the complicated politics and ethics of celebrity and privacy.

The women were challenging him on his invasiveness, on all the *eek!* mean things he says about famous people, questioning whether he'll be able to take what he dishes the higher his own star ascends.

And he's putting forth what I (with some assistance from Michael Warner) would call a Queer ethic of shame, a kind of "Bitch please," dirty laundry-airing, we're all in the same pit of filth, lemme drag you down and let's roll around together, don't pretend you're any better-than-me sort of position that I would love to see identified as a kind of ethics, but which is unfortunately usually labeled as an "amoral" (though not necessarily IMmoral) position.

There was something almost innocent, almost naive about him, as though he hasn't fully considered the full range of potential consequences of what he does, and that at some point, something unexpected may still befall him. And indeed, he may do things I find ethically questionable -- I haven't seen enough of his site to have a fully developed position.

But that's less interesting to me than the questions that "The View" women weren't asking and probably won't ever think to ask--

About what exactly privacy means. Whether privacy can or should be understood as an inalienable right. Who has had and has the right to privacy, both historically and currently. How privacy manifests as a component of privilege. What relationship might exist between "privacy" and the questionable/problematic constitutional "right" to property?

The fact is -- and I suspect Perez Hilton gets this, even if he doesn't articulate it quite so intellectually -- Queers in America have had a rather vexed relationship with the concept of privacy. As Eve Sedgwick elaborates in "The Epistemology of the Closet," we've been paradoxically told to "keep our private lives private" (as in, "I don't care who you sleep with as long as you aren't doing it in front of me"), while simultaneously having our private spaces more thoroughly monitored and policed, being penalized for our lack of full disclosure when our "deviance" is discovered. This hypocrisy, this inconsistency operates to keep us vulnerable.

Women, poor people and/or people of color, both Queer and heteronormatively-privileged, have also and relatedly not been afforded the same right to privacy as folks possessing class, race, gender and sexuality-related privileges. The supposed sexual "deviance" of women of color has been open to public inspection since the 19th century Khoikhoi woman Saartjie Baartman was displayed in public spaces as "The Hottentot Venus."

Although the "outing" of gay celebrities may be ethically questionable, I also kind of get being a little bit frustrated with the Neil Patrick Harrises and TR Knights of the world, who make it look so easy to keep one's difference behind closed doors, or to think of Queerness as an insignificant aspect of one's self that doesn't negate one's general social acceptability.

I don't think this an option that everyone has.

"Privacy" is far from straight-forward. It's a concept in need of further interrogation and elaboration.

...and a message to Perez, re: his new hair, with help from Lady Sov-

"Hey bitch -- did you know you're ORANGE!?"

Monday, April 16, 2007

Humps Intervention



Everyone's all a-titter over Alanis Morissette's cover of the Black Eyed Peas song "My Humps," and her accompanying video, posted on YouTube.

Most seem to believe that this is all-in-good-fun parody.

By contrast, I find it to be Alanis's most committed and genuinely moving performance in years. Whether intentional or not, Alanis has created a brilliant and complex commentary on objectification, femininity and popular music.

The key the performance's brilliances lies in two factors: her plaintive, earnest reading of the song, and the disconnect between that reading and the stereotypical, sexed-up "pimps and hoes" imagery of the video. That disconnect creates a critical space in which the viewer becomes aware of their own position. We hear the lyrics more clearly than we have previously. Alanis implores us to look at her body and consider what we'd do with it, and for the first time, we take the question seriously. We become aware of our own desires and assumptions. What are we going to do with all that ass? What claim do we have to Alanis's body as possessors of the gaze? What power imbalances do or do not exist within that relationship?

Alanis brings two pathologized feminine popular music archetypes -- the weak, emotive singer-songwriter and the hypersexualized pop diva -- into conversation with one another, calling our attention to the ways in which women's bodies and experiences are frequently flattened into one dimension.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Brave New Wha???


I just finished reading Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World" for (believe it or not) the first time.

Interestingly (tellingly?), I didn't find it particularly horrifying. The genetic engineering of rigid hierarchy is relatively upsetting, but the lack of sexual moralism (as distinct from morals/ethics, moralism is the casting of judgments and construction of hierarchies based upon sexual behaviors and identities) and the abolition of the "pedagogization of children's sex," as Foucalt would call it, the encouragement of shameless erotic play between children, is rather thrilling. I also have some affinity for the axiom that "we all belong to one another." Additionally, I'm not sure that as a given it would be such a terrible thing to sacrifice passion, creativity, individuality, etc. for a kind of blissed-out, drugged-up happiness, especially if we were to be entirely unaware of the possibility for alternative ways of being. And I kind of really want to go to a "feely." Sythesized sex on a bearskin rug sounds fantastic. The "savage" John's non-stop spouting of Shakespeare and self-flagellating religiosity annoy me as much or more than anything that is a part of the social order itself.

My reaction, particularly my rejection of highfalutin' enlightenment principles of truth and beauty (truth = bah!...spoken like a true Gen Y-er), might illuminate my own position within a transnational mass-mediatized consumer culture that has already progressed toward aspects of Huxley's vision. But I also think it illuminates some of the limitations of Huxley's text, some of which are admittedly attributable to historical context as much as narrowness of vision. I appreciate his analysis of power, which examines the ways in which we "love our servitude," which is distinct from an analysis of power as sheer force and domination, such as that presented by Orwell in "1984." But Huxley's idea of "loving our servitude" more or less boils down to childhood psychological conditioning, to subconscious psycho-social control. I understand that this was a genuine concern for the author.... but it remains a notion of power as "top-down." I tend to be more interested (like Foucalt) in how power functions through our own self-policing, our own accommodation to dominant/accepted norms/values/ideologies. We can recognize the "truth" and still self-consciously choose to believe in, or at least submit to, regulatory fictions. This strikes me as far more interesting than being controlled by voices in our sleep.

Additionally the question emerges -- if we love our servitude, who are we servile to? With the possible exception of class, Huxley doesn't name any specific social hierarchies at work in his dystopia. The "losers" are evidently humanity in general, because we lack art, religion, selfish attachments to one another and our all-precious individuality. Of course the working classes, bread en masse and genetically inferior, have objectively shittier existences. But they are entirely unaware of this shittiness, which although tragic, makes them largely unsympathetic. Huxley's dehumanizing descriptions of the subaltern Gammas and Epsilons, many of whom are people of color (the only characters, aside from the American Indian "savages," who are racially marked), seem to betray his own disdain for and fear of the poor folk of his own time as much as they do the evils of the social system he describes. They frequently function as terrifying images of the society's awfulness, rather than as actual people. Then there's the "savages," the text's ultimate "other." Huxley manages to invoke both the construct of the "noble savage" (through John, who incidentally is White, the child of a "civilized" woman), and cast Pueblo Indians as nightmarishly deprived and backward. The women in the text are the same agency-less, one-dimensional, largely symbolic figures that populate much of the dystopic literature of White men.

In Huxley's world, men (and I do mean men, since that is all we see) who become more conscious of their condition and of their intellectual, creative and relational straitjacketing, are permitted to relocate to islands of other free-thinkers. It kind of reminds me of Imperial Russia's exile of dissidents to Siberia. All the cool kids get to hang out with one another, write masterpieces and brainstorm. (I kind of want to go!) With the rest of the population blissfully unaware of their conditions, I'm not entirely certain I understand, within the terms set forth by the novel (meaning the valorization of individuality, intellectualism, creativity and selfish relationships), what's really at stake.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Constructing the Diva: Virginia Rodrigues and the Commodification of Candomble


Virginia Rodrigues and Candomble:

“The people of nago sing/Their bodies will not remain inert,” Virginia Rodrigues sings in “Salvador Não Inerte,” or “Salvador is not Inert,” from her 2000 album Nos. This Bahian Carnaval song, transformed by Rodrigues into a lilting ballad that some have compared to European classical compositions (Cibula, Davies, Hollings), evokes movement. As its message is transported from the streets of Salvador de Bahia and into the stereos of discriminating “first-world” music connoisseurs, who comprise the majority of Rodrigues’s audience, multiple questions emerge. What sort of movement is evoked? Who is moving? In what direction are they moving? What is the intention of their movement?

Virginia Rodrigues and her practice of Candomblé are recorded commodities. As such, they are fundamentally products of the global capitalist marketplace. Candomblé has been appropriated by dominant power in Brazil in the construction of an “authentic” national culture. Relatedly, the legitimization of Candomblé has supported the “myth of racial democracy.” The export of Virginia Rodrigues’s recordings and performances through global capitalism supports these objectives. Rodrigues’s practice of Candomblé is presented paternalistically as “ethnic flavor” by critical media in the “developed” world, while her biographical narrative is employed to reinforce the American and global capitalist mythology of “rags to riches.” In contrast, Rodrigues’s own performance of Candomblé through her lyrics and press statements is more resistant. Rodrigues maintains commitments to the spiritual integrity of Candomblé, Afro-Brazilian identity and desires for racial justice. Rather than uncritically embracing global capitalism, she situates herself within the local cultures of Salvador de Bahia and the alternative global formations of the “Black Atlantic." These tensions between globalization/capitalism/commodification and Afro-diasporic resistance/spirituality/local culture characterize Virginia Rodrigues’s position as the “diva” of Candomblé.

The Commodification of Candomble and Virginia Rodrigues:

Candomblé is a syncretic Afro-diasporic religious tradition of Brazil, most heavily practiced in the state of Bahia where the Afro-Brazilian population is especially large. Candomblé involves a synthesis of Yoruba, Ewe-Fon, Bantu and Catholic customs, with the Yoruba influence emerging most potently. There are multiple “nations” of Candomblé with different emphases and ethnic histories. All emphasize the interconnectedness of “creation, power, wisdom and divinity” (Henry 110), with the relationship between humanity and the natural world prioritized. Initiates of Candomblé believe in a supreme deity named Olódúmaré who is beyond human comprehension. The Orixás, deities who possess more human characteristics, facilitate connections between humanity and Olódúmaré. Most Orixás possess both positive and negative qualities. Thus there is some emphasis on maintaining the balance of forces held in tension. Most initiates have a particular Orixá with whom they identify, and may channel through ecstatic trance. In general, the body emerges as a fundamental site of religious experience. Candomblé is not concerned with eternal salvation but with everyday reality. As Reginaldo Prandi describes, “ultimate concerns for Candomblé mean the concrete issues of life” (656).

The practice of Candomblé was for many years outlawed, and its followers were persecuted. Orixás were syncretized with Catholic saints to evade detection. More recently, this situation has shifted as Candomblé has been publicly legitimized. However, Candomblé now faces the threat of annihilation or devaluation through appropriation by “national culture.” Beginning in the 1960’s, middle-class Brazilian intellectuals embraced Candomblé as they “searched for what could be taken as the very original roots of Brazilian culture” (Prandi 644). Candomblé is now “implicated in Brazil’s national representations” (Johnson 315), as a symbol of “authentic” Brazilian culture for global consumption. This is in spite of the efforts of many Candomblé initiates to maintain Candomblé’s secrecy and specifically Afro-Brazilian character.

Through these nationalist appropriations, Candomblé reinforces the “myth of racial democracy” that constructs Brazil as a racial paradise where frequent miscegenation purportedly erases race as a cogent factor in social organization. This myth denies the reality that darker-skinned Afro-Brazilians remain at the bottom of most social hierarchies. The generation of the “myth of racial democracy” by sociologists such as Gilberto Freyre allowed for the validation of Afro-Brazilian practices such as Candomblé and their cooptation by “national culture.” As Dutch anthropologist Mattijs Van de Port describes, “the reimagination of the Brazilian nation as the unique mix of the white, Indian and black races allowed for a reevaluation of the African heritage on Brazilian soil” (447). This process had particular implications within the state of Bahia, where poverty and the large Afro-Brazilian population contributed to a predominantly negative popular image. In the interests of improving their reputation, “Bahia’s (largely white) cultural elite was particularly eager to profit from this renewed interest in Afro-Brazilian culture” (Van de Port 447).

Beyond (and related to) this appropriation by “national culture” and the “myth of racial democracy,” Candomblé is now a product of global capitalism through tourism and mass media. Because of its symbolic value as an arbiter of Brazilian and Bahian authenticity, Candomblé is now marketed by “tourist entrepreneurs” (Van de Port 447), and is “under siege…by cameras” (Van de Port 447). Legitimate fears exist that “the media will reduce Candomblé to mere folklore” (Van de Port 447). As U.S. anthropologist Sheila S. Walker describes, “this commercialization and, to some believers, profanation of their sacred symbols, music, dances, and costumes further contributes…to making them a pervasive part of the everyday reality of nonmembers as well as members” (105). Candomblé is appropriated by “national culture” and the “myth of racial democracy,” then commodified and exported through global capitalism and the mass media.

It is within this context of appropriation and commodification that Virginia Rodrigues emerges. Her recordings are themselves commodities, purchased by her patrons who are predominately “first world” elites. Rodrigues is an initiate of Candomble, and the majority of her material references these experiences. Music has special value within Candomble as a mechanism for communication with the Orixas and a primary vehicle of religious experience. As anthropologist Brian Brazeal notes, “music is not just an accompaniment; it is the means by which ritual work is done” (640). Clarence Bernard Henry further clarifies that “music is one of the most important vehicles of religious expression” (110). Because of the value ascribed to music, the commodification of Virginia Rodrigues’s songs, many of which are invocations of Candomble’s deities, is especially relevant to the commodification of Candomble as a whole.

Virginia Rodrigues’s reception by critical media abroad highlights the construction of Candomble as “authentic” Brazilian culture exported through global capitalism. When Rodrigues made her debut, the New York Times immediately dubbed her “the new voice of Brazilian music,” a title that is repeatedly referenced in forthcoming media. Rodrigues becomes the carrier of authenticity, with Ink Blot Magazine’s Matt Cibula enthusiastically declaring “this album IS Candomble, it IS black Bahian Brazil, it IS dignity and soul.” But it becomes immediately clear that Cibula and his cohort are not entirely certain what this means; although Rodrigues’s practice of Candomble is referenced in nearly every article written, Candomble is never contextualized, and its value for Rodrigues is never elaborated. Rather, Rodrigues is continually described in “othering” terms; “a big, black, smiling sun; her voice…polished by the sea, weathered by the wind” (Church), Rodrigues is a “poised mountain of a woman” (Berson).
Critics gravitate toward Rodrigues’s biography. After living in poverty for many years, Rodrigues was “discovered” by singer-songwriter Caetano Veloso and began her career relatively late in life (she was in her 30’s). The critical press repeatedly re-deploys this narrative. As Wellington, New Zealand’s Evening Post tells it, “it is a fairytale story - the poor girl from the slums of Bahia…toiling unrewarded in humble church choirs, apparently destined through cruel circumstance to be denied the opportunity to develop her God-given gift” (Hollings), while the San Diego Union Tribune declares that “the story of Rodrigues’ discovery…is straight out of a Hollywood melodrama” (Gilbert). Whether Rodrigues’s experience is a “fairytale” or a “Hollywood melodrama,” critics remain intent on romanticizing her life story. These romantic narratives emphasize Rodrigues’s ascent from poverty into praise by “first world” elites; in so doing, they appropriate Rodrigues’s biography to reinforce capitalist ideologies of upward mobility as manifested in the classic concept of “rags to riches.” Through her participation in her own commodification, Virginia Rodrigues is complicit in the commodification of Candomble.

Virginia Rodrigues and Afro-Brazilian Consciousness

Within her own statements and recordings, Virginia Rodrigues at times displays a resistant Afro-Brazilian identity that challenges the very discourses of “national culture” and “racial democracy” and processes of global capitalism in which her own work is implicated. Rodrigues is conscious of her own social location, having once stated, “I’m a woman, I’m black, I’m poor” (Church). Rodrigues understands her own work as a mechanism for highlighting and improving the conditions of Black Brazilians, declaring, “it may seem like I'm singing with anger sometimes and that's because some songs talk about the situation of black people in Brazil. As a black person, I've felt racism and still feel it”; Rodrigues goes on to identify Brazilian racism as “a big problem” (Nazareth). Because of its emphasis on individuals’ everyday experiences, many have claimed that Candomble is a religion devoid of political intent. As Reginaldo Prandi says, “Candomble has no message for the world: it would not know what to do with the world if it was given the chance of transforming it” (656). But in a national context where race and racism are explicitly denied, declarations of Afro-Brazilian consciousness, including self-conscious affiliations with Candomble, are themselves political acts.

Furthermore, we cannot assume that Candomble and the mass media are inherently antithetical. Although global capitalism’s profit motivation and institutional power complicate the issue, mass media may be a “necessary evil” in struggles for recognition. Mattijs Van de Port notes that “religion has always depended upon practices of mediation in its attempts to render present the transcendental realm to which it refers” (445). Thus the question is not whether a relationship exists between religion and media, but rather how and toward what ends religion is mediated in a given context. As Candomble is appropriated and commodified, Afro-Brazilians may attempt to utilize the mass media on their own terms. Italian anthropologist Livio Sansone reminds us that globalization, although powerful, is not as totalizing or all-encompassing as we sometimes imagine it to be. He says, “locals reinterpret the global and…certain aspects of globalizing forces, rather than creating homogeneity, end up being instrumental in the creation of local varieties of…culture” (140). This complex relationship between the local and the global creates spaces for Virginia Rodrigues to resist commodification, or to frame her commodification in more resistant terms.

On her sophomore album Nos, Rodrigues interprets songs from the Bahian Carnaval, several written during the Black Brazilian consciousness-raising movements of the 1970’s and 1980’s. Many are invocations of Orixas and other deities of Candomble. Most are rooted in Afro-Brazilian identity and grounded in the experiences of Salvador de Bahia. In “Salvador Nao Inerte,” (Salvador is not Inert), Rodrigues sings, “the spirit of Olodum is Negritude/Overwhelming in its magnitude/The masses are swept up in its song/And fill the square with emotion.” Elsewhere, this Afro-Brazilian consciousness takes on more combative qualities: “And the idealism spreads itself/From the sacred throne made right/by the sun/History reveals for the good/The revolt of the Adja people/That installed themselves in the spirit” (“Reino de Daome," Nos). In contrast to her commodification in mainstream critical media, Virginia Rodrigues at times exhibits an oppositional consciousness.

Virginia Rodrigues and the Black Atlantic

Virginia Rodrigues’s recorded work also situates her within alternative global formations. Paul Gilroy’s concept of the “Black Atlantic” highlights the transmission and exchange of cultural forms and patterns of resistance within the African diaspora. Gilroy describes the Black Atlantic as “the suggestion that cultural historians could take the Atlantic as one single, complex unit of analysis in their discussions of the modern world and use it to produce an explicitly transnational and intercultural perspective.” (15) As they travel across and within borders, the creations of Afro-diasporic artists in different nation-states may resonate as much with one another as with those of fellow citizens. The Black Atlantic isn’t so much a particular historical narrative or theory as it is a lens, a “unit of analysis” that enables us to recognize previously unidentified connections across and between cultures.

Candomblé is linked with other Afro-diasporic religious communities originating in Yoruba and Ewe-Fon traditions, including Cuban Santería and Haitian Voudoun. Rodrigues’s religious practice itself connects her to Black populations in Africa and the Caribbean. Many of the Bahian Carnaval songs that Rodrigues performs on Nos were produced within the context of transnational Afrocentric consciousness-building movements of the 1970’s and 1980’s. Brazilian scholar Antonio J.V. dos Santos Godi, in his history of the development of samba-reggae, traces the “constructions of an Afrocentric aesthetic in the Carnival of Salvador” (213) to this era, noting that “from the outset, [this] local phenomenon…was related to Afro-diasporic musical forms with global projection” (213). The Salvadoran Carnaval song “Afrekete,” interpreted by Rodrigues on Nos and written by Edil Pacheco and Paulo Cesar Pinheiro, was copyrighted in 1987, locating it within this era. The figure of Afrekete is difficult to identify. Although she is not one of the primary Orixás, Afrekete is likely an Ewe-Fon deity and trickster figure connected with the sea (Provost 46-47). It has been suggested that she might also be linked with the Orixá Eshu, another trickster figure who facilitates communication between humans and deities. In Rodrigues’s song, Afrekete is empowered by Xango, the Orixá of thunder and justice.

Rodrigues elevates her Afro-Brazilian racial identity through identification with Afrekete, declaring, “because I am the color of Afrekete/This way I am full of emotion with/Afrekete in my heart.” As in her other work, Rodrigues’s song for Afrekete is explicitly rooted in the local context of Salvador de Bahia. She sings, “It was on the ground of Salvador, Bahia/That I risked my path.” At the same time, “Afrekete” is linked with the transnational exchange of cultures within the African diaspora. In her “biomythography” Zami, Black American writer Audre Lorde reclaims and resignifies her mother’s Afro-Caribbean heritage to construct a history of Afro-diasporic lesbianism and Black women-loving-women. At the conclusion of her narrative, Lorde describes a transformative sexual encounter with a woman named Afrekete. Lorde and Afrekete are bonded through their mutual experiences of American racism. Lorde’s momentary connection with another woman of the diaspora heals her, leaving a “print…upon [her] life with the resonance and power of an emotional tattoo” (253). Afrekete’s name is an intentional reference to the (for Lorde) Afro-Caribbean deity, whom Lorde describes as “the mischievous linguist, trickster, best-beloved, whom we must all become” (255).

Virginia Rodrigues and Audre Lorde are connected across the Black Atlantic, from Africa to Brazil to the Caribbean to the United States, by their invocations of Afrekete. Disenfrachised by race, class and gender, they are empowered by their identification with the Black female divine. It is of further importance to note that the particular female deity in question is understood to be a trickster, a figure of subversion reappearing in multiple forms throughout the African diaspora as Eshu, Legba, the Signifying Monkey or Brer Rabbit. Rodrigues becomes the trickster when she claims agency to direct her own commodification. As literary scholar Kara Provost describes Lorde’s relationship with the trickster, “the power of the trickster’s heterogeneous identity and ability to communicate, connect and survive despite (and because of) difference” (47), creates a model for resistance.

Constructing the Diva:

Virginia Rodrigues is often described as a “diva,” as when the Independent’s Michael Church dubs her “the diva of the Favelas.” Divas are themselves contested figures. As powerful and autonomous female performers, divas provide models for female empowerment as they “get away with” non-normative lifestyles in the public eye. At the same time, divas’ singularity and exceptionality may foreclose possibilities for collective mobilization. The contradictions of diva-dom take on particular relevance with relation to Virginia Rodrigues, who is not only a powerful woman performer, but also a Black, poor and “third world” performer. Rodrigues’s singularity and the related commodification of her work implicates her in Brazilian “national culture,” the “myth of racial democracy” and global capitalism. At the same time, Rodrigues often exhibits an oppositional consciousness that connects her with movements for Afro-Brazilian recognition and situates her within the alternative global formations of the Black Atlantic. Like the Orixás of Candomblé, who possess constructive and destructive impulses, Virginia Rodrigues embodies tensions.


Works Cited

Berson, Misha. “Rodrigues: Her Voice will Melt your Heart.” The Seattle Times 12 April 2001. E3.

Brazeal, Brian. “The Music of the Bahian Caboclos.” Anthropological Quarterly 76.4 (2003): 639-669.

Church, Michael. “The Diva of the Favelas.” The Independent (London) 12 March, 2004. 18.

Cibula, Matt. “Virginia Rodrigues: Nos.” Ink Blot Magazine 2002. 3 March 2007

Davies, Ellen. “Singing from the Heart of Brazil.” The Evening Post (Wellington) 1 March 2002, 22.

Gilbert, Andrew. “Church Background Helps Define her Style.” The San Diego Union Tribune 1 November 2001, 15.

Gilroy, Paul. The Black Atlantic. ?

Godi, Antonio J.V. dos Santos. “Reggae and Samba-Reggae in Bahia: A Case of Long-Distance Belonging.” ?

Henry, Clarence Bernard. “Music and Female Imagery in the Candomble Religion of Salvador, Bahia, Brazil.” Journal of Latin American Lore 22:1 (2004), 109-136.

Hollings, James. “A Voice of Raw Beauty with Power to Surprise.” The Evening Post (Wellington) 4 March 2002, 13.

Johnson, Paul Christopher. “Migrating Bodies, Circulating Signs: Brazilian Candomblé, the Garifuna of the Caribbean, and the Category of Indigenous Religions.” History of Religions 41.4 (2002): 301-327.

Lorde, Audre. Zami: A New Spelling of my Name. Freedom, CA: The Crossing Press, 1982.

Nazareth, Errol. “Brazilian Singer Explores her Roots.” The Toronto Sun 14 April 2000, 81.

Prandi, Reginaldo. “African Gods in Contemporary Brazil.” International Sociology 15.4 (2000): 641-663.

Provost, Kara. “Becoming Afrekete: The Trickster in the Work of Audre Lorde.” MELUS 20:4 (1995), 45-59.

Rodrigues, Virginia. Nos. Natasha Records, 2000.

Sansone, Livio. Blackness without Ethnicity. ?

Van de Port, Mattijs. “Visualizing the Sacred: Video Technology, “Televisual” Style, and the Religious Imagination in Bahian Candomblé.” American Ethnologist 33.3 (2006): 444-461.

Walker, Sheila S. “Everyday and Esoteric Reality in the Afro-Brazilian Candomblé.” History of Religions 30.2 (1990) 103-128.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Militarism and "the Family" on "Battlestar Gallactica"


Militarism and nationalism are frequently buttressed by a resurgence of images of the ideal patriarchal and heteronormative family. These images discursively construct a cohesive national identity in opposition to an enemy “other.” Post 9/11 and during the Iraq war, this neo-conservative focus on the family has been in evidence in American dominant culture. The reimagined “Battlestar Gallactica” is a cultural product informed by post-9/11 realities. The series’ human protagonists are the only survivors of a genocide executed by the robot Cylons, and live amidst displacement, crisis and war. The series resonates with contemporary political contexts without drawing obvious or reductive parallels, allowing for complex and multi-dimensional ethical explorations.

The majority of “Battlestar Gallactica’s” dramatic action takes place aboard the Gallactica, a military ship commanded by Commander William Adama. The Gallactica protects a small fleet of civilian survivors as they quest for a new home. The Gallactica’s crew can be analyzed as a family unit; Adama himself frequently invokes familial metaphors to instill accountability and interdependence within his crew. Adama fulfills the role of the benevolent patriarch, commanding loyalty from his crew who look to him for guidance and hope amidst difficulty. Adama approaches his crew as individuals rather than interchangeably, cultivating their distinct talents and forgiving their failures. Adama’s matriarchal counterpart is President Laura Roslin, the former Secretary of Education who assumes leadership as the only surviving Cabinet member. Roslin frequently functions as the series’ moral center, ensuring that civilian democratic values are not subsumed by military procedures and that the long-term interests of humanity are prioritized.

While constructing the Gallactica as a “family” facilitates social cohesion, it is important to note that this cohesion is always solidified against the threat of an enemy “other.” Although the Cylons are a creation of humanity, they are understood by the majority of Gallactica’s crew to be humanity’s antithesis. Although they are now partly biological, can appear in human form, and possess emotions and consciousness, the Cylons are still understood by humans as “things” and referred to by such epithets as “toaster” and “skin job” (when referring to the human-likeness models). The Cylons, for their part, believe humanity to be irredeemably corrupted by destructive impulses. In contrast to humans’ complete disavowal of any human-Cylon connection, the Cylons actively and regularly refer to themselves as “humanity’s children,” and see the annihilation of the parent as necessary for the child’s evolution. Additionally, they believe that their monotheistic God (humans worship a polytheistic pantheon very similar to that of the Ancient Greeks) mandates that they “be fruitful and multiply,” which because of their hybrid biology still requires human involvement. Thus the human-Cylon struggle is sometimes cast in Oedipal terms as sexualized intergenerational conflict. For humans, refusing to acknowledge Cylons’ increasing humanity or the potential validity of their claims means successfully avoiding any ethical implications these realities may impose upon their war project. Family metaphors help divide the world into inflexible polarities of “us” vs. “them,” “insider” vs. “outsider.” Family discourse serves the interests of dominant culture during wartime.

In one wrenching sequence of episodes, the “extended family” of humanity is divided from within by the discovery of another surviving Battlestar, the Pegasus. The Pegasus functions as Gallactica’s mirror image, an example of what Adama’s crew might’ve become had they made different choices. In contrast to the Gallactica’s benevolent patriarchy, the Pegasus is a rigid hierarchy ruled with an iron fist by the autocratic Admiral Helena Cain. Rather than emphasizing civilian protection, survival and species relocation a la the Gallactica, the Pegasus has gone on the offense against the Cylons and prioritized military objectives to the point of requisitioning civilian ships and “stripping” them for valuable supplies and crew members. As Cain takes command of Adama’s fleet, a three-way triangular interparental conflict develops between Admiral Cain, Commander Adama and President Roslin. While Roslin immediately recognizes the threat Cain poses, Adama initially defers to her superior rank, only balking after she criticizes his command and interferes with his ship’s internal affairs.

The blending of Pegasus and Gallactica’s respective families is ridden with conflict, and can be analyzed on multiple levels. The separation of public and private spheres often serves to mask private violence. To the extent that military crews are deeply isolated and privatized “families,” they are often not accountable for internal abuses. On the Pegasus, torture and rape of Cylon prisoners has been fully normalized. Additionally, Cain is known to have once publicly shot her second in command in the back of the head after he disobeyed a direct order. In gendered terms, Admiral Cain embodies the archetype of the powerful female who takes on masculinized characteristics in order to survive in male supremacist institutions. Cain shows disdain for President Roslin’s more traditionally feminized background as an educator and is critical of Roslin’s “soft” diplomacy, wanting to “cut through the hand holding.” Although Commander Adama’s protest against Cain can be understood as a defense of democracy, it is also a response to her usurpation of his patriarchal authority. It is also worth noting that the crews of the Pegasus and the Gallactica are able to achieve a tenuous truce only when the opportunity is presented to combine resources for a new campaign against the Cylons; family cohesion is once again achieved in opposition to an enemy “other.” At the same time, tensions between crews reach their boiling point when the Pegasus officers abuse the Gallactica’s Cylon prisoner Sharon Valerii, suggesting that “the enemy” can also become a source of disunity.

Realities on Gallactica highlight the limitations of family metaphors and family discourses in militarist contexts. I’d like to conclude by suggesting alternatives to “family” as it is traditionally constructed within militarist settings. Cultural critic Judith Halberstam notes that family frames often prevent us from conceptualizing alternative models for collectivity. Halberstam provides as an example the film “March of the Penguins,” in which our nearly obsessive focus on the reunification of the penguin nuclear family blinds us to the other potentially beneficial relational forms employed by penguins, such as when male penguins huddle together en masse to conserve warmth during the coldest months. Cylons employ a consensus model for collective decision-making in which a representative copy of each of the eight human-hybrid Cylon models voices the concerns of their constituency. Humans’ blind hatred for Cylons prevents them from seeing the potential merits of Cylon social systems. Family metapors in wartime can create dysfunction, mask atrocities and encourage hatred of the “other.” Alternatives to “the family” may prove beneficial.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Toward a Feminist Defense of Cross-Generational Homosexual Male Sex


Within contemporary U.S. dominant culture, it is often accepted as a given that all cross-generational sexual relationships between adult men and adolescent boys under the age of 18 are inherently abusive, regardless of the specifics of a given situation. Labels like “pedophile” are applied broadly and uncritically to diverse individuals and experiences with little differentiation. Collective hatred of the “Pedophile” with a capital “P” – socially constructed as the ultimate sexual deviant -- often seems to be the only commonality uniting diverse communities otherwise conflicted over moral and ethical concerns. Simultaneously, actual sexual abuse is still accompanied by denial and severe social stigma. When abuse is acknowledged, it tends to be addressed individually and psychologically, rather than within the context of systemic power and inequality with relation to gender, sexuality, race and class. Within feminist theorizing and organizing, sexuality-related issues are frequently divisive. Anti-violence-based feminist perspectives on sexuality problematize sexuality as a primary site for the manifestation of social hierarchies – ie White supremacy, patriarchy and capitalism, while sexual rights-based perspectives see dominant culture as disenabling diverse sexual acts, identities and sources of pleasure that should be socially validated. These two positions are sometimes understood as conflicting.

My own position on cross-generational sex is without question a product of my experiences. As such, it is undocumented and un-researched. For four years, I’ve been in an intimate relationship with a man who is fourteen years my senior. This relationship has provided me with maturity, perspective and levels of intimacy that would not be possible with someone my own age, “going through the same things as me.” I have heard many gay men share similar stories of transformative cross-generational relationships. Although I was nineteen years old when we first met and became involved, I could just as easily have been sixteen or seventeen. In fact, throughout my high school years, I craved sexual contact with adult men. My mother lived in terror that as an openly gay high-schooler in Greenwich Village, I would be “taken advantage” by predatory older males. My mother, a political progressive/leftist committed to GLBT rights struggles, manifested her homophobia in this fear of cross-generational sex. As a result, I often felt greater shame because of my desire for adult men than because of my same-sex desire more generally. But the majority of the boy-loving older men I’ve met are a far cry from the voracious wolf stereotype I was taught to fear. Many are protectors and nurturers who, if anything, are left wounded by their emotionally noncommittal younger partners. At the same time, I am aware that there are many situations of abuse that go unrecognized due to our dominant culture’s general disavowal of sexual abuse, and that age can function as a site of harm-inflicting power. I have long felt it was possible to provide a feminist defense of cross-generational gay male sex without counteracting feminist struggles against sexual violence. In both instances, sexuality functions problematically as an axis of power and privilege, while open and honest reflection upon sexuality is generally prohibited. Although discussion of sex is frequent, it most often extends particular discourses that reify existing hierarchies.

Gayle Rubin’s theoretical model of sexual hierarchies in “Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality” provides useful perspectives on these issues. In Rubin’s schemata, sexuality is hierarchized into a “charmed circle” of “good, normal, natural or blessed” sexual acts and identities and an “outer limits” of “bad, abnormal, unnatural and damned” personalities and behaviors. Rubin’s “charmed circle” includes such normative behaviors and identities as “married, monogamous, procreative, vanilla and coupled,” while the “outer limits” are occupied by “deviant” sexualities” like promiscuity, pornography, homosexuality, cross-generationality and public sex. Although different forms of deviance may be more or less penalized at different times in history, sexuality functions as its own axis of power, with validated forms of sexuality are defined against their invalid or demonized counterparts.

Rubin’s inclusion of “cross-generational” sex alongside sexual identities like gay and lesbian often raises conflict in Women’s Studies classroom settings, where the primarily progressive students resent any association of (in their eyes) more acceptable marginalized sexual identities with sexual acts associated with violence and abuse. But in my opinion, this reaction only serves to confirm Rubin’s hypothesis. I was struck by the salience of Rubin’s hierarchies last year while facilitating a workshop on sexuality and power for Spectrum, DePaul’s Queer student group. Attempting to address multiple manifestations of power and privilege at the intersections of sexuality, gender, race and class, I introduced a series of images and asked participants to examine power dynamics within them. Wanting to establish the demonization of sexual fetish communities as a related topic, I included what I though to be the most innocuous fetish image imaginable – an adult man on a bed wearing a diaper and clutching a stuffed teddy bear. But rather than identifying him by his participation in consensual fetishes like “adult baby” or “plushie,” the workshop participants immediately and without hesitation labeled him a “pedophile.” I was genuinely taken aback by the speed with which a group of Queer college students thrust one of the most pathological labels associated with our communities upon other sexually marginalized individuals.

How can we ever hope to deconstruct heteronormativity without also deconstructing its most powerfully disempowering labels of “otherness”? What does “pedophile” mean within specific circumstances at specific times? How can we disrupt this term’s hold over our collective dominant cultural imagination and its ability to politically marginalize whole communities? I firmly believe that the current discourse of pedophilia functions more effectively to pathologize and vilify consensual intimate relationships between adult men and adolescent boys than it does to prevent age-based violence and abuse. Open and honest reflection on sexuality’s function as an axis of power and its intersections with White supremacy, capitalism and patriarchy would enable both sexual rights and anti-violence-based activisms. It is necessary to examine the particularities of diverse individual situations within the context of larger social systems. Cross-generational gay male sex can be validated in ways that support feminist activism against sexual violence.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Feminist Theories, Single Mothers & Queer Politics

I just finished this paper for my "senior sequence" course in Feminist Theories in preparation for researching and writing my senior thesis. It's lengthier and more academic than what I tend to prefer publishing here. ....I also feel like it's still a little rough and caught up in the limitations of its own theory-speak. But it may be the closest I've come to a comprehensive declaration of academic & activist intent.

Sexual “Dystopia:”
I have this concept for a dystopian short story. In the not-so-distant future, same-sex marriages are legalized, and married same-sex couples are granted the full set of benefits and privileges associated with the marriage institution. Our story opens with a wealthy married male couple deciding to adopt their first child. The couple is interracial, consisting of one Black man and one White man, although in this imagined future, the discourse of “colorblindness” has progressed to such an extent that the mere mention of “race” is social taboo. The White male is intentionally unemployed, while the Black male produces a popular television program that is an amalgamation of the racist minstrelcy of Josephine Baker’s banana dance and the exploitation of contemporary reality television. The program’s cast, consisting primarily of women of color, cohabitate while participating in performance-based competitions. The show exploits the dramas and tensions between the competitors, as the nation voyeuristically thrills to their every “catfight.” In a parallel storyline, a young, pregnant and unmarried Black female is apprehended by security staff at a corporate retailer while attempting a petty scam for pocket cash. She is subsequently arrested, and after police discover her pregnancy, transferred to the care of State-sponsored psychologists, who convince her, with Foucaltian invasiveness, to give up her child and submit to a “rehabilitation” program. This rehabilitation consists of her being cast in the aforementioned reality program in order to instill an appropriate “work ethic,” while her child is given away to be raised by the same male couple with whom our story began.

It may be inaccurate to refer to my story as “dystopian.” “Dystopian” implies exaggeration. In dystopian literature, potentialities are taken to their absolute extreme to render effective allegories. But rather than an exaggeration, I conceptualize my story as political realism, as possible, even probable, within our immediate future. Is my story as conceivable as I imagine it to be? Approximately one year ago, I wrote the following (somewhat overwrought) statement in a blog entry addressing same-sex marriage activism:

Although I frequently feel wired for a particular kind of intimacy, I do not believe mine should be the only acceptable organizational model for sex or love. I am repulsed because I know that so particular a model cannot function for everyone, and because there is literally no widely intelligible language available to legitimize others' choices. This is what terrifies me about marriage activism. That there will be no liberation for the street-walking youth sucking cocks in an alley, that the welfare mother will still be marked a "moral degenerate." So long as the language of respectability governs our lives, so long as we require outsiders to remind us we're inside, to order our senseless reality.

In response, a friend asked, “what does marriage activism have to do with welfare mothers?” His question is valid. Both my statement and my short story assume, but do not specify, certain connections between racist/sexist classism and sexual moralism. What theoretical frameworks have shaped my thinking with relation to sexuality’s intersections with race, class and gender? How do I conceptualize and characterize my own theoretical position?

What follows is a narrative of my intellectual and activist process, an exploration of the theorists who have influenced my current interest in single mothers, particularly poor single mothers of color, as sexually “othered,” potentially “Queered” figures within American heteronormativity, and with the successes and limitations of GLBT and Queer politics with regard to intersectionality and social justice. I begin with an exploration of multiple and interrelated theories of sexuality and power, including Black feminist analyses of sexual racism and concepts of “sexual hierarchies” that emerge from Queer Theory. I then introduce theoretical languages for identifying shifting realities of race and sexuality in the contemporary U.S. that more immediately foreground the need for radical coalitions at the intersections of these systems. Finally, I synthesize these various frameworks to address the contemporary politics of both poor single mothers of color and same-sex marriage activism. By identifying the theories that have brought me to my current location, I illuminate directions for my future research.

Sexuality and Power:

Before exploring Black feminist and Queer theoretical frameworks on sexuality and power, it is necessary to foreground this examination in the Black and multiracial feminist concept of “intersectionality.” Intersectional theories posit White supremacy, capitalist imperialism, patriarchy and heteronormativity as interlocking and mutually reinforcing systems, what Patricia Hill Collins calls a “matrix of domination.” (Zinn & Dill 357). This does not mean that these systems are simply similar in nature, but rather that they are interdependent and mutually reinforcing; you can’t have one without the others. As described in the Combahee River Collective’s seminal “Black Feminist Statement,” “the major systems of oppression are interlocking. The synthesis of these oppressions creates the conditions of our lives” (164, emphasis mine). Activist strategies to combat one system of oppression must address its intersecting systems in order to be effective.

Black feminist theorists have long addressed the particular intersection of sexuality and race, providing a history of American sexuality that differs markedly from dominant narratives. This history is grounded in a developed critique of the sexual “othering” of African American men and women within American White supremacy. As Barbara Omolade describes, “the sexual history of the Unites States began at the historical moment when European men met African women in the “heart of “darkness” (362). U.S. racial history is inseparable from U.S. sexual history, as sexualization is always a fundamental component of racialization. Black feminists have consistently exposed, combated and explored constructions of Black Americans as sexual “deviants”. To offer but a few examples, Omolade, Ida B. Wells-Barnett, Angela Davis, Patricia Hill Collins and Cathy Cohen have grappled with the situation Davis characterizes thus;
The fictional image of the Black man as rapist has always strengthened its inseparable companion: The image of the Black woman as chronically promiscuous. For once the notion is accepted that Black men harbor irresistible and animal-like sexual urges, the entire race is invested with bestiality (182).

The constructed hyper-sexuality of Black Americans has been used both to create and justify Black Americans’ position as a wholly separate and inferior category of humanity. As Cathy Cohen explains these histories, “marriage and heterosexuality, as viewed through…the ideology of white supremacy, were reconfigured to justify the exploitation and regulation of black bodies, even those presumably engaged in heterosexual behavior” (505). White South African-American Queer scholar Ian Barnard elaborates on the mutually constitutive nature of race and sexuality, noting “sexuality is always racially marked, as every racial marking is imbued with a specific sexuality…I do not see sexuality and race as disparate constituents of subjectivity or axes of power, but rather sexuality as always-already racialized, and vice-versa” (200). Regardless of their orientation within the dominant American sexual classification system of hetero/homo, all Black Americans are invariably situated outside the White heteronormative ideal.

Queer theorists and related theorists of sexuality contribute alternative frameworks for evaluating sexuality and power by exploring sexuality as it own axis of oppression. In doing so, they move beyond the reductive hetero/homo binary that dominates most U.S. discourse on sexuality to provide more broadly applicable conceptions of sexuality and power. In “Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality,” Gayle Rubin famously introduced the concept of “sexual hierarchies.” In Rubin’s schemata, sexuality is hierachiezed into a “charmed circle” of “good, normal, natural or blessed” acts and identities and an “outer limits” of “bad, abnormal, unnatural and damned” personalities and behaviors. Rubin’s “charmed circleincludes such normative behaviors and identities as “married, monogamous, procreative, vanilla and coupled,” while the “outer limits” are occupied by “deviant” sexualities” like promiscuity, pornography, homosexuality, cross-generationality and public sex. Although different forms of deviance may be more or less penalized at different times in history, sexuality functions as its own axis of power. Socially validated forms of sexuality are defined against their invalid or demonized counterparts. Michael Warner’s concept of the “politics of shame” provides a similar language for identifying sexuality as a prominent axis of power and privilege. Warner theorizes sexual shame as endemic to societies and individuals. Shame experienced broadly at the level of dominant cultural interaction is frequently deflected onto particularly “othered” bodies. Politically specific deployments of sexual shame may then result in hierarchies of shame, with particular acts and identities carrying greater shame than others.

Both Rubin and Warner have severe limitations with regard to sexuality’s intersections with race, class and gender. Rubin’s project of establishing sexuality as an autonomous system of power is imbedded in its historical context. Rubin’s work was a reaction to earlier feminist theorizing that understood sexuality solely as a function of gender and sexual oppression exclusively as product of patriarchy and male supremacy. Thus, her language has a tendency to over-differentiate sexuality from its related systems, treating sexuality, race, class and gender as parallel and similar rather than interlocking and interdependent. Missing from her analysis are the race, class and gender-specific sexualities that inhabit both “the outer limits” and “the charmed circle,” as well as the ways in which sexual hierarchies are mediated by race, class and gender. With regard to the former, the work of Black feminists allows us to see how many, if not all people of color are always already positioned in “the outer limits,” constructed as sexually “abnormal” prior to any engagement with the “deviant” behaviors and identities listed by Rubin. With regard to the latter, we may think of how the privilege possessed by a White upper-middle class heterosexual male allows him to dabble in “damned” behaviors like promiscuity, sex with prostitutes or even homosexual sex without being subject to the same circumspection as less White, middle-class, heterosexually-privileged individuals. Here, Warner provides us with useful language. He differentiates between temporary forms of sexual shaming based upon particular deviant sex acts and the permanently embodied sexual “stigma” attached to particular identities. Where shame can be transcended, stigma is understood as a fundamental or inherent component of particular sexual “others.” But this differentiation also becomes his most profound limitation, as he identifies Queer individuals (here, defined solely as GLBT) as the only persons who experience long-term sexual stigma. This assertion denies the race, class and gender-specific forms of identity-based sexual stigma identified by Black feminists. However, both Rubin and Warner’s work is salvageable when synthesized with the intersectional frameworks outlined earlier. We may understand sexuality as an autonomous system of power and privilege while simultaneously seeing sexuality as a fundamental component of how race, class and gender function to marginalize and empower various groups and individuals. We can augment Rubin’s sexual hierarchies with race, class and gender-specific sexualities while noting the way these hierachies are mediated by race, class and gender. Similarly, we can employ Warner’s language of hierarchies of shame while acknowledging raced, classed and gendered forms of sexual stigma. These theories of sexuality and power provide us with tools for evaluating social and political location of poor single mothers of color, who are situated at multiple intersections of race, class, sexuality and gender. They also help us more accurately gauge the successes and limitations of Queer and GLBT political movements in intersectional activism for social justice.

Race and Sexuality – Shifting Realities:

Recent work by contemporary Black feminists and Queer scholars of color establishes the pressing need for radical coalitions at the intersections of race, class, sexuality and gender. The shifting character of race and White supremacy in the U.S. make race’s connections with sexuality, class and gender more prescient than ever.

In her text Black Sexual Politics, Patricia Hill Collins introduces the concept of “the new racism.” The “new racism” is only “new” insomuch as it illustrates racism’s sophistication and ability to adapt to new conditions, to reflect an illusion of progress while maintaining identical power relations. As Hill Collins establishes, the “new racism” is rooted in historical exploitation and segregation of Black bodies. Although the Civil Rights movements of the 1950’s and 60’s succeeded in abolishing legalized segregation, inequalities remain pervasive. Hill Collins names the disproportionate effects of joblessness, incarceration, HIV/AIDS and sexual violence as well as poor healthcare, education and housing on Black Americans as markers of contemporary inequality. Additionally, segregation remains a reality, particularly in large urban centers where “hypersegregation” through ghettoization occurs.

Manifestations of inequality have become gender and class-specific. Contemporary racial inequalities rely upon class-specific, sexualized masculinities and femininities both in their execution and justification. Realities of middle-class Black successes are used to demonstrate racial progress in a “colorblind” age. Racism, we are told, no longer exists. The social conditions of many African Americans, rather than being caused by systemic power differentials, are caused by cultural insufficiencies. As Hill Collins notes, biologically racist arguments are largely a thing of the past, replaced by arguments of cultural deficiency. Such “cultural” justifications for inequality rely heavily on longstanding hyper-sexualized constructions of Black women and men. As Hill Collins says, “African American progress or lack thereof in achieving the gender norms attributed to Whites has long been used as a marker of racial progress…within a Western sex role ideology premised on ideas of strong men and weak women, the seeming role reversal among African Americans has been used to stigmatize Black people. This ideology…claims that Black masculinity and Black femininity reflect equally problematic conceptions of sexuality” (44). It is necessary to reject dominant gender ideals, Hill Collins argues, as they are inseparable from White supremacy. The “politics” of respectability are no longer effective antiracist practice. Rather, antiracist activisms must direct their work toward class, gender and sexuality-specific manifestations of White supremacy.

Cathy Cohen also identifies class, gender and sexuality-specific forms of racism. Her notion of “cross-cutting” and “consensus” issues in Black political organizing describes the functioning of hierarchies of sexuality and respectability within Black communities. Cohen notes that historically, Black communities have shown a political unity rare among American racial groups. But within the context of the more sophisticated forms of contemporary racism identified by Hill Collins, this unity has begun to break down. As Cohen describes, the dominant political agendas of Black communities are frequently determined by those who wield the greatest degree of power within hierarchies formed by class, gender and behavioral/sexual stigma. Cohen makes a distinction between “consensus” issues understood to affect the black community in its entirety and “cross-cutting” issues understood as divisive. “Cross-cutting” issues tend to be associated with the most “shamed” or “embarrassing” of black individuals – sexual minorities, women and the urban poor. Poor single mothers of color, “othered” by class, sexuality and gender, represent one such stigmatized figure. Both Patricia Hill Collins and Cathy Cohen highlight the need for contemporary Black politics to address the intersections of gender, sexuality and class with race. These arguments highlight the need for radical coalition between Black politics and Queer politics. But these coalitions are additionally impeded by similar hierarchies of respectability within Queer and GLBT politics, as well as by some White and middle-class Queer and LGBT activists’ non-acknowledgment of sexuality’s intersections with race, class and gender.

Poor Single Mothers of Color and Queer Activisms:

In “Punks, Bulldaggers and Welfare Queens,” Cathy Cohen applies the theories intersectionality, sexuality and power outlined previously to the particular situations of poor single mothers of color and GLBT/Queer political organizing. The majority of Cohen’s essay is a critique of Queer theory and Queer politics’ failure to address sexuality’s intersections with race, class and gender. Similar to the limitations of Gayle Rubin and Michael Warner’s theories of sexual hierarchy, Queer theories and activisms frequently fail to address the diversity of heterosexual experiences, including the manner in which many heterosexual people of color are far from possessing the full set of heterosexual privileges. As Cohen declares, “an understanding of how heteronormativity works to support and reinforce institutional racism, patriarchy, and class exploitation must therefore be part of how we problematize current constructions of heterosexuality” (40). In Cohen’s argument, the needs and priorities of poor single-mothers of color, whose marginality is justified by heteronormative sexual moralism, could become key sites for emerging Queer activisms. For instance, welfare rights and universal healthcare might be understood as explicitly Queer concerns.

It is my contention that dominant LGBT and Queer organizing’s singular prioritization of marriage rights agendas inhibits radical coalitions and activism for intersectional social justice. In his article, “Welfare Moms and the Two Grooms: The Concurrent Promotion and Restriction of Marriage in US Public Policy,” National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) policy analyst Sean Cahill correctly identifies the discursive relationship between GLBT individuals seeking marriage and unmarried “welfare” mothers, as both are constructed by the Right as threats to heteronormativity. However, he problematically situates these groups’ interests as fully mutual, concluding, “women’s economic self-sufficiency will never be assured by coercion into economically dependent roles, from which many women only recently emerged. And the continued exclusion of lesbian and gay-headed households from the economic benefits that help ensure other families’ well-being will serve only to put them and their children at economic risk” (183). Cahill fails to question whether the social validation of GLBT “marriages” and two-parent GLBT families in the absence of broader reconstructions of White supremacist capitalist patriarchal heteronormative models may serve to directly disadvantage poor single mothers of color. The inclusion of married gays and lesbians within the “charmed circle” may only mean harsher penalties for those still occupying the “outer limits,” including those sexually “othered” primarily by race and class. Marriage is not a politically neutral recognition of one couple’s relationship, but rather a State-sanctioned social privilege. Within intersecting systems of race, class, gender and sexuality-based oppression, privileges for some invariably result in disempowerment for others. As Michael Warner argues, “as long as people marry, the state will continue to regulate the sexual lives of those who do not marry” (96). These realities lead a coalition of radical LGBT scholars and activists to declare, in contrast to Cahill’s statement, that “all families, relationships and households struggling for stability and economic security will be helped by separating basic forms of legal and economic recognition from the requirement of marital and conjugal relationship” (BEYOND).

Building upon my synthesis and application of various Black feminist and Queer theories to the experiences of poor single mothers of color and the successes and limitations of GLBT and Queer activisms for intersectional social justice, I believe my “dystopian” vision emerges as politically realist. It is far from unforeseeable that further marginalization of poor single mothers of color might result from the successes of GLBT marriage activism. However, additional research is necessary to more effectively approach these challenging questions.

Two potential research projects have emerged from my engagement with influential theories. One project is an analysis of single mothers of color -- their sexualization by the State and in social policy, as well as the ways women negotiate these realities. The second project is an in-depth study of GLBT and Queer organizations engaging issues of intersectional social justice, including these groups’ strategies for coalition, their challenges and their allies. How do they sustain their work? How are resources apportioned? How does the current political climate shape their activism? These question lead to broader questions about Queer activism more generally; how are Queer politics currently defined? To what extent does this acknowledge intersectionality? Finally, what may we learn from the groups inhabiting these spaces?


Works Cited:

Barnard, Ian. “Queer Race.” Social Semiotics. 9: 2, 1999. 199-212.

“Beyond Same-Sex Marriage: A New Strategic Vision for All Our Families and Relationships.” http://www.beyondmarriage.org, July 260, 2006. Accessed November 18, 2006.

Cahill, Sean. “Welfare Moms and the Two Grooms: The Concurrent Promotion and Restriction of Marriage in US Public Policy.” Sexualities. 8: 2, 2005. 170-187.

The Combahee River Collective. “A Black Feminist Statement” Feminist Theory Reader: Local and Global Perspectives. Ed. Carole R. McCann and Seung-Kyung Kim. New York: Routledge, 2003.

Cohen, Cathy. The Boundaries of Blackness: AIDS and the Breakdown of Black Politics. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1999.

.... “Punks, Bulldaggers, and Welfare Queens: The Radical Potential of Queer Politics?” Feminist Frontiers. Ed. Laurel Richardson, et al. Mc Graw Hill, 6th edition, 2004.

Collins, Patricia Hill. Black Sexual Politics: African Americans, Gender and the New Racism. New York: Routledge, 2005.

Davis, Angela. Women Race & Class. New York: Vintage Books, 1981.

Omolade, Barbara. “Hearts of Darkness.” Words of Fire: An Anthology of African-American Feminist Thought. Ed. Beverly Guy-Sheftall. New York: New Press, 1995. 362-378.

Rubin, Gayle S. “Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality.” Pleasure and Danger: Exploring Female Sexuality. Ed. Carole S. Vance. London: Pandora Press, 1989.

Warner, Michael. The Trouble with Normal. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1999.

Zinn, Maxine Baca and Bonnie Thornton Dill. “Theorizing Difference from Multiracial Feminism.” Feminist Theory Reader: Local and Global Perspectives. Ed. Carole R. McCann and Seung-Kyung Kim. New York: Routledge, 2003.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

"What You Do Best" - Letter to an Onanizing Teen


written January 2005

Dear Timothy,

You’re fifteen years old, and you just “came out.” It seems as though the whole world is either condemning or congratulating you. On the off chance you’ve grown tired of this attention, I have some refreshing news for you. I don’t particularly care. My reaction to your confessed aberrant identity is of no consequence. What is important is that your confession – or perhaps more importantly, your family’s reaction -- situates you within a complex network of power relations facilitated through numerous and structured sexual discourses. The reason this is important has nothing to do with you. Rather, this is important because it illustrates the theories presented in my text The History of Sexuality, Volume 1.

Sexuality is not some inherently stable entity preexisting time and human interactions. Rather, “it is the name that can be given to a historical construct” (105). Within our current social order, sex has been constructed both as a primary location for the exercise of power and as the primary tool for acquiring knowledge of all that identifies us as human beings; “it is up to sex to tell us our truth, since sex is what holds us in darkness” (77). As I’ve argued, the family has become an “obligatory locus” (108) for the construction and perpetuation of sexuality; “its role is to anchor sexuality and provide it with a permanent support” (108). In this sense, your relationship with your mother provides an ideal lens through which to convey what I mean by “power-knowledge-pleasure.”

When you made your “big announcement,” your mother made no attempt to disagree with your conclusion. You didn’t have to explain what you meant when employing the category “gay.” In addition, she did not request your silence, but suggested you speak more openly and to a greater number of individuals. Your gay seminarian stepbrother, your mother’s lesbian friends and colleagues and your stepfather the leftist pastor were all suggested as conduits through which to plug you into “will to knowledge” discourses.
There already existed a proliferation of discourses dating back to the 18th century for explaining, identifying, cataloguing, medicalizing and institutionalizing your aberrant sexual self. It became immediately clear that your sexuality would now influence not only your sex acts, but everything that constitutes the construction of “Timothy.” You “became a personage, a past, a case history, and a childhood, in addition to being a type of life, a life form, and a morphology, with an indiscreet anatomy and possibly a mysterious physiology. Nothing that went into [your] total composition was unaffected by [your] sexuality” (43). Assumed qualities such as these, imbedded in the institutional construction of “homosexual,” are a key facet of the “will to knowledge.” Your mother did not repress you. She characterized you. She willed you to transform your “desire into discourse” (21) so that she might experience the pleasure imbedded in her power over your confession. In so doing, she encouraged you to continue your own pursuit of knowledge through pleasure and pleasure through knowledge.

The process of confession has been a key component of the regulation of sexual knowledge through decentralized relations of sex-connected power. After your announcement, your mother subjected you to a fascinating (and very telling) process of sexual interrogation. She asked you not just whether you masturbated, but how often and with what materials. Congratulations, my son! You’re a corresponding figure for one of the four strategic unities in the deployment of sexuality. The “pedagogization of children’s sex” has been one of the most frequently identifiable means through which sexual “truth” and power are both constructed and sought after. Your mother’s declaration that masturbation is normal so long as you don’t do it “too often,” coupled with her assertion that pornography is objectification and therefore an unhealthy expression of sexuality, confirms widely-held notions of children’s sex as “at the same time “natural” and “contrary to nature”” (104). Your sex is “dangerous and endangered” (104). In expressing her concern for your sexual health, your mother experiences a special power-pleasure that comes from her position as “monitor” and “protector.” Additionally, her actions and imparted values strengthen a set of willed knowledges regarding the sexuality of children.

It may seem as though you are entirely at her merciful mercilessness. But not so fast! You are far from powerless. When your mother asked you how often you masturbate, you weren’t exactly truthful. “Once a week,” you said, neglecting to mention that in actuality you masturbate at least once daily, often locking yourself in public restrooms in the pursuit of self gratification. How might your mother react if she knew you went through most of your life in an onanistic stupor? Again, this is of little consequence. What is of consequence is the pleasure and power you experience through the very act of evasion. While your mother exerts power through regulating and policing (but never repressing) your behavior, you know the “pleasure that kindles at having to evade this power, flee from it, fool it, or travesty it” (45). This evasion is itself empowering, “power asserting itself in the pleasure of showing off, scandalizing or resisting. Capture and seduction, confrontation and mutual reinforcement,” (45) you and your mother play out the self-perpetuating power games that define my “power-knowledge-pleasure” principles.

Contrary to widely-held notions, sex is not repressed. In fact, sex is discussed constantly and frequently through a proliferation of discourses fueling numerous and decentralized relations of power. A sexual “will to knowledge” manifests itself both as shared constructions of sexual truths and identities and through the pursuit of a human truth understood to be imbedded in sexuality. Pleasure is experienced through the exertion and evasion of power. The experiences of power, knowledge and pleasure are inextricably connected in our understandings of sexuality.

Timothy, I predict the following in your very near future. Your mother will enter your bedroom uninvited, asking you how your day was while eyeing you with “benevolent” suspicion. You will tell her in no uncertain terms to “foucalf.” Then you will lock the door and do what you do best.
Sincerely,
Michel Foucalt

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Shame, Privilege and Pain: A Feminist Autobiography


I don’t like to repeat myself.

As a middle schooler in suburban New Jersey, I was on the receiving end of numerous and vicious verbal assaults, often of a homophobic and misogynist nature.

Fag, girl, ballet boy (I was then a student at the School of American Ballet in Manhattan).

“I love annoying Tim, it’s so much fun.”

“Hello Timmy, my gay friend.”

“Diet Coke break!”

…the last a reference to a television commercial in which a group of women ogle a well-built male construction worker. That my classmates were culturally sophisticated enough to read this commercial’s Queer subtext only resulted in more pointed harassment.

I was only able to keep my cool for so long. Then I would erupt in aggressive physical retaliation; books, binders, even desks were hurled across the room. Once, an incident involving “kick me” signs and wadded up balls of paper hurled my direction resulted in my having to be physically restrained by my fellow students in home room. These outbursts only resulted in slew of additional taunts and nicknames – temprotazm. Timinator. Pscyho boy.

These events were cyclical, repetitive. Several years of my life are a blur of principal’s offices, or of dark corners where I retreated tear-streaked waiting for a school officials to locate and reprimand me, the closest thing I had to sympathetic listeners. At least they always asked “why.” I was shamed by my inability to stop these situations from reoccurring, to become less of a target, to better blend in, to reign in my emotions, to better express myself verbally rather than through violent retaliatory outbursts.

Recently, my therapist suggested that the reason I don’t like to have the same conversation more than once, that I resist reiterating things I’ve already said, might somehow be linked to these adolescent cycles of repetitive shame.

I don’t like to repeat myself.

Since becoming a Women’s and Gender Studies student at DePaul University, I feel as though I have been asked to write multiple “feminist autobiographies,” or to otherwise narrate the development of my feminist consciousness. I’ve privately recoiled from what sometimes felt like the self-indulgent character of these assignments, preferring to focus on the theories, arguments and insights provided by outside sources. As a result, I’ve framed my feminism in terms of intellectual and ideological commitments – transnationalism, intersectionality, social constructionism, Queer theory. But intellectual abstraction, while necessary for drawing connections between experiences and analyzing the construction and maintenance of systemic power and oppression, has its limitations. Intellectualism can mask avoidance or denial, both of experiences of privilege and experiences of pain.

After relocating to a friendlier and progressive private high school in lower Manhattan, I came of age and “came out.” Identification as “gay” was linked with identification as an activist. In the years since high school, I’ve begun to frame my experiences primarily in terms of privilege. My high school was ensconced in East-coast liberal elitism. Anywhere west of the Hudson River was a “square state,” the only acceptable travel destinations located across the Atlantic. My sexuality was characterized by my classmates as a “non-issue.”

My prior experiences of isolation and condemnation have receded into the background. My youth feels bifurcated between exaggerated experiences of pain and privilege, the former feeling as though they happened to someone else, someone who is no longer a part of me. My therapist[1] says this disidentification is common amongst survivors of trauma.

But there are other reasons for my emotional distancing. Although my experiences of verbal harassment did not surface in our discussions until very recently, my therapist and I have spent the past four years analyzing my complex relationship with my mother. It is this relationship that I have seen as most formative of my ideologies, behaviors and patterns. For many years, my mother and I lived alone together as a two-person unit, deeply identified with one another. My mother’s anger at having been wronged and mischaracterized both by her family and social institutions encouraged my own condemnation of injustice. At the same time, the lack of ambiguity in her worldview and her expectations of loyalty and personal excellence became something of a prison as I grew older and felt compelled to differentiate myself. Mirroring the separation in my social experiences are two similarly separate phases of this more private relationship. My middle school years were a time of hyper-connection with my mother as I strongly felt she was my only ally and supporter. In contrast, high school was a time of heated interpersonal battles and painful distancing between us.

My mother assisted me in framing my early adolescent experiences in terms of systemic violence. Together, we condemned what we saw as my middle school’s homophobic negligence as it failed to take seriously verbal harassment based upon “perceived sexual orientation.” But when I later acknowledged my actual Queerness, she was less supportive. I felt that my Queerness was only intelligible to her as a category of victimhood. She repeatedly voiced her fears for my safety, suggesting that I keep my sexuality a secret from my classmates. Although she actively condemns the stigma of gay identity, my mother reinforces the shame of gay sex. Her own deeply-entrenched and moralistic notions of appropriate an inappropriate sexual decisions and behaviors, generally couched in psycholigizing and medicalizing terms of “healthy” and “unhealthy” sexuality have felt genuinely marginalizing. She instilled in me a terror of the purportedly abusive older men who prowled the streets of the West Village in search of younger tail. As a result, it took me a number of years to accept my desires, which often trend toward the older end of the age spectrum. These days, I often react to her influence with a vocal anti-assimilationist sex radicalism that includes condemnation of marriage, fetish acceptance[2] and defense of public sex and sometimes belies my own rather conventional/vanilla practices. An additional dimension of shame accompanied my privileged escape from the hostile environments that greet the majority of Queer youth. My mother frequently contributed to this shame as in our arguments she repeatedly threatened to return me to public school or force me to live with my father in Minnesota, where she declared I might not be so lucky nor so privileged.

Over time, I grew critical of her response to my earlier experiences of harassment. While I needed her to help me contextualize my experiences, I also needed her help to take responsibility for my unhealthy relationship to suppressed anger, an ongoing concern that continues to haunt me as two summers ago I was arrested at O’Hare airport for punching a CTA vending machine that refused to take my dollar bills. That this incident occurred returning from a weekend with my mother is likely not a coincidence.

I don’t like to repeat myself.

Shame again visited me last year as Diversity Outreach Coordinator” for Spectrum, DePaul’s GLBTQ and allied student organization. For some time, I have been haunted by the sense that I am unable to “walk my talk,” that my analyses of power, oppression and privilege rarely leave the classroom to manifest as concrete action. I unconsciously felt that validation from other activists would remove my shame and unhealthfully entered into my year on Spectrum’s executive board seeking an external stamp of approval. The results were disastrous. As I moved into my new position, I felt abandoned by the peers that had supported me the previous year. I didn’t feel attacked, just ignored, as their priorities shifted toward other movements and initiatives with which I was uninvolved. My problematic motivations lead me to communicate badly and behave erratically. When the board declared their intention to plan the final of my six “diversity workshops” without my input, I exploded, making condemnatory public comments about the limitations of student organizing. In response, a fellow group member provided me with a no-holds-barred critique that continues to haunt me, as it seemed to confirm my concerns regarding the inefficacy and privileged intellectual and artistic nature of my activist skills and orientation.

As far as you Tim, you're more problematic than you ever want to let on. I think you thought that you could join in the Women and Gender Studies department, hiding your insecurities behind all the pseudo-academic vernacular that you spew out, hoping that no one would ever see you wipe your nose as it was shoved so far up the professors' asses. But honestly, do your own work and check your male and white privilege bit time, it's appalling. You took on the position of Diversity Outreach Specialist, never did anything with it, yet were in the position to watch the inclusiveness of Spectrum and advocate for marginalized students. If that isn't white male privilege I don't know what is baby.

Aspects of this critique are politically valid, while the individual in question often employs a polarizing and dismissive framework that is damaging within our interpersonal relationship. Negotiating this muddled terrain has been difficult and painful. These experiences, which resulted in the evisceration of my relationships with several key members of DePaul’s Queer activist community, reminded me that shame is crippling. There is no room for ego-based insecurity in activism to combat privilege. My own harsh judgments and condemnations of the limitations of my own activism have prevented me from owning my skills and attributes. Furthermore, my self-shaming was directed outward as I criticized the practices of individuals who daily put their individual welfare on the line in the interests of creating a safer and more inclusive campus.

Coming to this point in my narrative, I begin to realize why storytelling feels threatening, particularly when my stories do not represent me the ways I’ve desired to be seen.

I do not like to repeat myself.

Growing up, I was ever aware of myself as a representative of my mother. In a dominant culture that viciously positions single mothers as the source of all evil both social and moral, I felt responsible for validating her parenthood through my successes. Thus I have always felt drawn toward defending her, even as I’ve grown critical of many of her actions.

In the interest of re-situating my feminist consciousness in personal experience, I conclude this essay by returning to her defense with a series of experiences that were instrumental to my feminist development:

--When I was five years old, my mother explained to me why some people choose to hyphenate their names. In response, I changed my name from Timothy Jones Yelvington to Timothy Jones-Yelvington.

--Also when I was five years old, my mother explained in accessible terms what it meant to be White and male, encouraging me to remain aware of my unearned privileges.

--As editor of a national magazine for the generally progressive Women’s Division of the United Methodist Church, my mother introduced me to numerous transnational issues in gender justice.

--My mother instigated my involvement in the “Reconciling Congregation Program” (now Reconciling Ministries Network), an organization working for full inclusion of GLBT person within the United Methodist Church.

For each of these experiences save the second, I might offer a secondary critical note to problematize its limitations. But they are nonetheless crucial to my development. I am learning to own my experiences of privilege and pain.

One of the reasons my Spectrum workshops failed was because I neglected the importance of personal experiences. I thought that perhaps if we spent less time discussing individual negotiations of identity and more time discussing systemic and institutional power structures, members of our group might stop approaching these issues through hyper-individualized frameworks. These goals resulted in workshops that were criticized as dry, academic and inaccessible.

Although I detest repeating particular conversations, ideas, or arguments, my boyfriend complains that I often repeat the same childhood stories over and over again. Yet somehow, despite frequently and self-consciously declaring myself a storyteller, I’ve neglected the power of narrative.

It is frequently necessary to repeat myself.

[1] I am sensitive to the cultural specificity of psychotherapy and its linkages with White middle-class privilege and individualist assumptions.
[2] I remain critical of racist fetishization.